.You became a rakugo storyteller, met various people, faced their strong emotions, and realized it, didn’t you? That you are different from your father. You understood it when you confronted your father’s humanity, didn’t you? Rakugo storyteller Arakawa Shinta was a weak person…
“Hey, rakugo stories are friends, right? Can’t weak people be friends? Do rakugo storytellers have to be strong?”
…Until now, I admired my father’s art, chased after it, and that made me blind to the essence of his craft. My father wasn’t strong like those people…
…That’s exactly why the characters my father portrayed were warm and kind. Yes, I loved my father’s weakness…
This is a conversation between Akane and herself in “Akane-banashi.”
What kind of personality do you have?
I have high “openness” and low “extraversion.”
Regarding “extraversion,” the results showed that I am lower than 95% of people.
Therefore, I prefer being alone over being with others, and I like building deep relationships with a few people rather than many superficial ones.
However, due to my high “openness,” I enjoy going to new places and learning new things, even though my “extraversion” is low.
As described above, personality cannot be clearly classified by types or levels. It also constantly changes.
The traits of personality are influenced by “genes,” but how these traits manifest is shaped by “environment.”
In ‘developmental psychology,’ when discussing what environments and parenting styles are effective for children, the term “goodness of fit” is used.
“Goodness of fit” refers to the compatibility between the child and their parents, as well as the child and their surrounding environment.
For a happy and low-stress family life, compatibility is very important. Fortunately, some parent-child pairs are naturally compatible.
For example, there are families where the mother is a bookworm and the daughter loves being read to by her mother. The mother takes her daughter to storytime sessions at the local library, and they spend meaningful time together choosing books and reading in the library’s reading corner. Besides reading, building blocks and coloring are also shared pleasures.
Or consider a mother who is very athletic. She enrolls her daughter in sports classes from an early age and they go to soccer matches together. They get excited with other spectators at the games.
When a child’s environment is a good fit, the child thrives. However, parents often do not realize the underlying reason and simply feel that parenting is easy.
Parents may think their child loves reading or sports because they provided such an environment. But the fact that parents and children share 50% of their genes doesn’t necessarily mean parents influence their children’s behavior.
Parents’ misunderstanding often stems from mere good fortune of compatibility.
In the case of the bookworm mother, both mother and daughter have low “extraversion” and high “conscientiousness.” Quiet activities like reading and building blocks appeal to both.
In the athletic mother case, both mother and daughter have high “extraversion.” Energetic and bustling activities like sports are attractive to both.
Intelligence and athletic ability are strongly influenced by “genes,” so in both cases, mother and daughter were well-matched.
However, imagine a bookworm mother with a child who has high “extraversion” and low “conscientiousness.” The mother tries to read to her, but the child doesn’t engage, running around the room instead. In the library or bookstore, she grabs books and throws them or places them randomly, running around constantly. The mother feels more like she has to scold the child than enjoy time together.
Next, imagine an athletic mother with a low “extraversion” child. The mother wants to take her to sports classes or cheer on siblings’ soccer matches. But the child is overwhelmed by the high “extraversion” of peers and the noisy environment, always insisting she doesn’t want to go, leading to the mother forcibly taking her along.
In both cases, mothers think they are providing opportunities their children will enjoy and strengthen their bond. However, we naturally assume that what we like will be liked by our children too.
We tend to think others’ brains are like ours, especially with our children.
If parent and child personalities match, many things go smoothly. But if they differ significantly, especially if the parent is unaware, it leads to great friction and stress for both, impacting family relationships.
In the two cases above, the mothers did not realize that their planned activities did not suit their children’s personalities. When children are forced into unsuitable activities and have high “impulsivity,” it often results in tantrums.
Understanding “goodness of fit” is not about yielding to the child’s personality. It is about using this understanding to make better judgments about what activities to expose the child to and which to approach with caution.
For this reason, I recommend understanding your own personality first. Knowing your personality benefits not only parenting but also relationships with partners, work, and future choices.
Rakugo is not about heroic tales. It’s about portraying ordinary people’s failures—show-offs, laid-backs, lecherous, jesters. Because of that, even weakness can become a strength…
…It’s okay to be weak. That too, is a part of being human…
These are the thoughts of Arakawa Shiguma in “Akane-banashi.”