“Throw it away!”
“What’s with the sudden outburst!?”
“Anya, it’s a bargain.”
“??” “I’ll buy you peanuts, so stop crying.”
“Peanuts!”
“Daddy, Anya is sleepy. She can’t walk.”
“Huh…!?”
…No good. I can’t understand. To decipher this irrational behavior, I need a manual…
“A book or paper on child-rearing, please wait a moment.”
“Give me everything you have.”
“The basics of child-rearing are about building trust. Instead of scolding, embrace them. See things from the child’s perspective. Children can’t express their feelings well with words. Let’s try to understand them. So, interrogating them is a no-go, huh…”
…Do all parents manage such high-level missions…
Children often can’t directly convey what they really want to say or ask.
For example, an older sibling who is jealous of a younger sibling might ask their mother, “Why do you always play with him?”
In response, the mother might often say, “Really? I play with you too.”
However, this does not satisfy the older child.
What they really wanted to convey was the loneliness they felt, feeling that their time with their mother was taken away by their younger sibling.
By saying something like, “I’m sorry you felt lonely. Let’s play with the train set together tomorrow,” the mother can fulfill the older child’s feelings of loneliness.
Children’s true intentions can sometimes be hidden behind their words.
Although it is understandable that busy parents with work, household chores, and childcare may find it difficult, understanding and addressing the hidden intentions of children helps build a connection with them.
This approach can also be applied not only in parenting but also in work and friendships. Treating it as a high-level mission and practicing it can be beneficial.
Since children’s emotions and perceptions are not visible, when they repeatedly ask questions, try to observe their behavior and imagine their hidden intentions.
Through repeated experimentation and verification, the completion rate of these high-level missions will surely increase.
What do you think is the most important factor in increasing life satisfaction?
A famous study by Harvard University, which tracked 2,000 people over 85 years, concluded that the most important factor in increasing life satisfaction is “connections with others.”
To build good connections with others, the first step is to listen to them.
Show that you care about the person you’re talking to and that you’re interested in their story.
Since children learn social skills by modeling their parents, it is important to experiment and verify ways to build a good relationship with your child.
In the world of psychology, listening empathetically and understandingly from the other person’s perspective, showing positive interest, is called “active listening.”
Many of you might already know this as it’s often covered in business books.
“Active listening” was proposed by American psychologist Carl Rogers and is considered the most important element in counseling.
When a child calls out, “Look, I made a block tower,” while you’re preparing a meal, stop for a moment and show interest by saying something like, “Wow, you did great! You worked really hard.”
Even if you strongly feel like saying, “I’m cooking now, later,” try stopping for a moment.
Accumulating such actions will lead your child to live a happy life in the future.
The desire to belong somewhere is one of the basic human needs proposed by American psychologist Maslow, and it is very important for children.
Connecting with others promotes brain development, nurtures self-esteem, and helps control impulses.
Research from Stanford University also proves that children who feel a sense of belonging grow up healthier and more resilient to adversity.
The first opportunity for children to feel a sense of belonging is through family relationships.
Family relationships are very important for mental and physical development. Feeling loved by their family gives children confidence, nurtures problem-solving abilities, and has a positive impact throughout their life, not just in school.
Conversely, if children feel unloved by their family, they do not develop confidence or problem-solving abilities, making it difficult to build long-term relationships with others in the future.
Feeling like a member of the family, feeling understood, and doing fun things together enhances the sense of belonging within the family.
“You all make such a wonderful family.”
…If that’s how it looks, then maybe, just maybe, we’ve made 1% progress in our preparation…
This is a quote from ‘SPY×FAMILY’.