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“I hate him. My brother.”
“Yeah, I hate him too. A brother who’s worse than his younger sibling is pointless. He should just hang himself and die.”
“Maybe it’s thanks to those brothers that you’re who you are now.”
“Huh? Did you just say something super gross? That’s a total turn-off.”
“Whether he’s good or bad, the older brother is a role model for the younger one. If the older brother (me) goes astray, the younger brother should avoid that path. If the older brother (me) walks the right path, the younger brother should follow. What if you’re strong because your older brother is weak? You asked why I’m so persistent. I’ll tell you.”
“I have no role model. I make mistakes over and over. Even so, I have to keep walking ahead of my younger brother. That’s why I’m strong.”
This is a conversation between Choso and Naoya Zen’in in ‘Jujutsu Kaisen,’ and these are Choso’s words.
As a counselor, I deal with a wide range of topics, including work, relationships, money, and parenting.
Among these, the most common issues are related to relationships with close people such as family, bosses, and subordinates.
Those knowledgeable in psychology and counseling know well that many of these issues trace back to the relationship with one’s parents.
Children grow by imitating their parents in worldview, thinking, and even how they handle emotions.
Adolescent relationships also cannot be ignored.
Adolescence is when attention shifts from parents (home) to society. It is in this period, primarily at school, that one learns how to interact with others to become an independent person.
Friendships during this period greatly influence later relationships in life.
In my own counseling work, I first focus on the relationship with parents and then on adolescent relationships.
However, sometimes these two aspects alone cannot explain certain issues.
That’s where the relationship with siblings comes in.
If the parent-child relationship is the foundation of hierarchical relationships, then the sibling relationship is the foundation of horizontal connections.
Think back to your days in primary and secondary school.
Many of the reliable classmates who took on roles like class president, school event leader, or club captain were often firstborn children (older brothers or sisters), weren’t they?
Similarly, the popular classmates or mood-makers who brought smiles to everyone were often the youngest children (younger brothers or sisters), weren’t they?
Following their later lives, many firstborns (older brothers or sisters) who played leader roles in school continue to take on leadership roles at home and work.
The youngest children (younger brothers or sisters), who were loved by all, often continue to be the playful, light-hearted figures in their workplaces.
Firstborns.
Firstborns (older brothers or sisters) are the parents’ first children, so parents face child-rearing with a sense of tension.
For parents, holding the baby, feeding them milk, changing diapers—all these are first experiences.
Therefore, parents carefully consider and experiment with how to hold the baby, which milk is best, how often to change diapers, etc.
If the baby doesn’t stop crying, they worry, “Why won’t they stop crying?” and rush to the hospital if there’s the slightest health concern.
Even as the child grows, this delicate approach to child-rearing remains unchanged.
Every event—vaccinations, park outings, choosing a kindergarten—is a first experience for the parents, and they naturally handle it with caution and care, lavishing their child with love.
However, because this parental tension is always directed at the firstborn, it tends to make them “nervous” and “easily tense.”
Additionally, the unconditional love from parents, while immensely joyful for the child, gradually turns into high expectations.
To meet this love and expectation, the firstborn tends to grow up as a “good child” and a “model student.”
Depending on the parents’ relationship, personality, and financial situation, the parents’ overprotectiveness may result in many firstborns struggling to become independent even as adults.
When a second child (younger sibling) is born, the firstborn experiences a significant heartbreak.
This heartbreak greatly influences later personality development and often shapes one’s worldview.
To be continued.